I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
