I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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