He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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