its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
