So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
