i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
