Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
