y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
