Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
