i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Two words: nipple clamps
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