so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
