My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Blood and glitter go together right?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
