This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
