Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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