Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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