She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
