He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
