we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
