I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
