Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
