i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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