if i can run in heels then i can drive
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
