Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
