Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Apparently you make a good broom.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
