Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
