john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
