Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
