i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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