i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
