explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
