Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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