I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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