My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
