i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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