that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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