I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
