Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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