I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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