I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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