what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
