i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
