A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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