God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
