The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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