am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
