It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
