Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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