She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize
