mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
