I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
