My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
