I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
