Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
