So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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