Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
