I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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