i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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