I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
