you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
